Truly surprising birthday gifts

• A human kidney
• An English manservant named Jeeves
• A flying cyborg monkey that can fill out tax return forms and cook gourmet French cuisine
• Pope John Paul II papal bathrobe
• Foods that don't cause cancer
• Pac-Man-shaped garbage disposal
• Weight Watchers coupons from McDonald's
• Original Sesame Street episode featuring Sir Laurence Olivier as Smackhead Bob
• The Caramilk secret