Specials I'd fast-track if I was in charge of PBS

I Married a Dull-Witted Corn-Fed Huckster with a Foot Fetish
Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston takes time from her floundering feature film career to expose the sad, sick details of her tempestuous relationship with Brad Pitt.

In Hiding: The Jehovah's Witness Protection Program
An in-depth look at the moral, ethical and religious reasons that led to the creation of an offshoot to the FBI's Witness Protection Program.

A Saint's Early Years as a Sex Trade Worker
Mistress Tessa's life as a bondage queen in Bangkok, before her rise to sainthood in the ghettos of India and her new nom-de-plume: Mother Teresa.

Apples: A Plague for the New Millenium
Eye-opening research that shows a concrete link between apples and our age's most devastating diseases, from cancer and AIDS to stupidity and mental retardation.

Far East cuisine

If you're craving Chinese food, don't bother eating the neighbour's cat. You'll only be hungry again in an hour.

What classified apartment ads really mean

With files from Steve "Psycho Samurai" O'Neill

Quiet area
= Located next to highway, grabage dump or dance club

Lively/colourful neighbourhood
= Area rife with B&Es, crack addicts and gunshots

Safe neighbourhood
= Area infested with big, mean, starving dogs

Close to TTC
= No parking

Off-street parking
= Every man for himself

High ceilings
= Basement apartment

Bright and roomy
= Small windows, similar to a ship's portholes

Warm and cosy
= Small attic apartment

Newly decorated
= We vaccuumed and mopped after the last tenant

Full kitchen
= Enough room for a microwave and chair combo

Close to restaurants
= Not quite a full kitchen

Family-friendly
= Warning: Lots of screaming kids around

Backyard access
= You can see it from your window

Beautifully maintained grounds
= No trees or grass

Separate entrance
= Landlord lives on main floor

Convenient location
= Helicopter pad on roof

Close to downtown
= No where near downtown