Hi babe.
Best of luck today. I know that inspector will be ramrod strict when he inspects your secret lab animal testing facility today, and let's face it, it looks bad if he doesn't find anything. Makes him look incompetent and soft and pretty stupid really, considering the horrific stories of torture you've related to me, especially those long, wet, screaching Tuesday afternoons in the rodent areas.
Anyway, I'm sure things will go well. If not, try dropping a little "lettuce" on the floor. The way I hear it, those lab inspector folks are typically vegetarian, so we can assume they probably like the "green stuff," if y'know what I mean. Or, if he's one of those pasty-faced, goatee-sporting cult types, offer him a member of your staff as a human sacrifice to appease his goat-headed pagan god.
Yeah. I'm sure everything will go just fine.
Love,
Alphonse
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